My wrestle and my Comfort

The same week of the Covenant school shooting, my daughter's school put on a program celebrating America. I was already struggling, but when they sang, "I'm proud to be an American," I surrendered to the ugly cry for the whole song. I struggle to articulate my feelings on this, but I'll try. I'm very patriotic and I love America. I love children. I hate violence. Violence against the most tender, helpless, and innocent defies all reason. I always struggle for a while after a shooting, but it's the relentless pattern of shootings plus my still-new motherhood that has left me in despair this time. My emotions have included shock, terror, rage, and confusion. At times I have felt joy but that felt wrong. Hope felt wrong. Teaching my daughter to be proud to be an American felt wrong and that fact tore at my soul.

The first thing I did was act. I prayed to know what I could do to help and got some specific answers of people to reach out to as well as calling all my legislators.

But I still didn't feel comforted. So I have poured over my scriptures and words of my faith leaders and have found some comfort. From the LDS Bible Dictionary, "to have faith is to have confidence in something or someone. The Lord has revealed Himself and His perfect character, possessing in their fulness all the attributes of love, knowledge, justice, mercy, unchangeableness, power, and every other needful thing, so as to enable the mind of man to place confidence in Him without reservation." 

And from Elder David A. Bednar, "some Church members . . . believe sincerely and serve dutifully, but their covenant connection with the Father and His redeeming Son has not yet become a living and transforming reality in their lives." I think this applies to me in this circumstance. I need His transforming peace in my life.

From the current Prophet of my church, "I give you my assurance that regardless of the world's condition and your personal circumstances, you can face the future with optimism and joy." 

Powerful words from Paul, "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

And from my Savior, "Peace​ I leave with you, my ​​​peace​ I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be ​​​troubled​, neither let it be afraid." John 14: 26-27

I pray for peace in our hearts, in our homes, in our schools, and in our country.